Why are these thoughts becoming more abrasive?

I wish there was no struggle.

I wish there were no straining entanglements that had to be dealt with while living for Jesus, but to separate ourselves from life, is insanity.

We live. We breathe. We hopefully work. We accomplish what God puts before us and in our spare time, we can still be involved with things that we don't exactly love.

They can be thoughts, explorations, or even mind-games about things that we aren't particularly called to involve ourselves in.

So what do we do when our precious pillow talk in our mind is filled with the meandering of things that we wish would wander on to someone else's bed?

I haven't figured this one out. I still deal with this on the daily.

My internal struggles have recently been a lot about my past. It's a lot about days where I wonder, "Was there actually good that came out of those times?"

I don't want to say they are haunting me, but if I could use that word, I would.

Cause that is about what it feels like.

My spare time has become space-fillers for things I don't want in my head and all I can do is try to stop myself before I think too deeply and reroute my thought process.

I love how Paul encourages the church at Philippi like they are people who are normal and struggle with things like weird, consuming thoughts.

"So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising Him always."

Philippians 4:8

It's crazy how often, as Christ followers, that we disassociate ourselves with the ability to be human. Like, we shouldn't breathe, feel pain, or in this case, have worldly thoughts. But just because we are in Christ, does not mean that we are ultimately perfect in a fashion where we live beyond humanity.

We are seated with Christ, but our feet are still called to walk on this planet until the day we are with Him, face to face.

Paul was writing to Christians. Christians that are like you and me, who need reminders every once in a while that there are authentic and real things to think about. There are miracles happening that we are called to ponder on above all of these others.

Choosing this comes in seasons and big waves. I've been through many seasons where my mind seems to be at perfect peace. I don't have a difficult time falling asleep, but now, things are different.

Just because this has appeared though, doesn't mean I am not seeking righteousness or that I am off the right path. It just means that I am a human and I happen to love Jesus.

And because I love Him, I now have the ability to think about what is honorable and admirable when the world can't truly see this.

This is the beauty in it all. That we struggle with the issues that are common in the world, but we have an answer. We have the ability to be the distinction in this way.

We are now able, through the Holy Spirit to seek out what is beautiful and respectful and when those in the world bring their struggles in conversations, we have a direction, we have a purpose to disclose in our explanation where they can see the truth of Christ.

We are not perfect beings, but we know the One who is perfect and there is hope amidst darkness.

This is why we live for Christ despite the thoughts. This is why we push through no matter the crippling factors.

Let His Word encourage you, and KEEP GOING!